in memoriam

9th Jan, 2018.

time flies. time stands still.

and between these two contradictory truths, you’ve left us in the limbo of the living.

time flies. tears dry up, the months march on. I go to the US on work, extend it by a week and have a family holiday. It’s colder than a witch’s mini-bar, my son plays with snow for the first time and grabs it like it were free ice cream. time stands still. in the middle of a subway ride home, one of your un-returnable hilarious repartees pops into my head. there’s nothing funny about it.

time flies. I go to Prague for a death metal festival, watch my favourite bands from the front row, mark memories in glasses of beer. time stands still. while brushing my teeth, I remember you hurrying me in another lifetime, ‘ramu, jaldi kar, ja chai banaa.’

time flies. I pick up a global award in my new company, watch an old man called Roger Federer mesmerize and pulverize his way to 2 more Grand Slams. I grow a full beard for the first time and even dye it for a lark. time stands still. in the middle of a bad meeting, your smile flashes in front of my eyes – that easy smile full of mischief, bursting with goodness I can almost touch. time stands still. in the middle of a great meeting, our bike ride to Bhimashankar races into my mind. the roar of our Enfields, the glowing silence of a brotherhood in between. time stands still. I go for an early-morning run. And as I grunt past Prabhadevi, the alley to your house glares accusingly from the shadows. time stands still. Pearl Jam plays in a bar, and it’s not Eddie Vedder who’s singing the chorus. time stands still. I eat the tastiest yellow dal I can remember – and then remember the awesome grease we used to order from Mumbai Darbar many moons ago. time stands still. it’s Diwali and the thought of cards conjures the picture of us sitting on the floor, playing teen patti and raking debts we can only pay in unequal-monthly-instalments. time stands still. I curse you often, with real anger and real love, unable to understand, unable to accept the sheer, irreversible frittering away of a life as gloriously-packed with tomorrows, as yours. 

time stand still. I go to doolally for a beer. I remember that this is where we had our last one together. It was December 2016.

time flies. 2018 comes. 9^th January stands still. 

ram cobain