Saturday, July 28, 2007


hey beautiful girl on the dance floor

preying and hunted


ram cobain

a pageful of autobiography

they look up to me

they think I’m cool

I agree

I’m a metal head

I love Slayer

my ambition is to take a loan and go to the US and watch Slaaaaaayer live

I pose with my tongue out

I wear black tees with hideous designs

I sing kishore kumar songs

I sound horrible

I haven’t used a comb in 3 years

I’m balding

I'm heterosexual

I’ve loved, lost and not learnt

I’m searching for you

I can’t dance

I like dancing

I make the same mistakes still

I have heroes

I'd love to be a martyr

I have obvious and secret admirers

I don't have a tattoo, yet

i love books

I’m a good friend

I have few enemies but they remember me

I hope I’m a good son

I’m a talented writer

I'm a passionate advertising writer

I try to be a good junior

I try harder to be a good boss

I’m an awesome poet

I’m not modest but I’m humble

I’m an optimist

I wear Levis

I wear contact lenses

I make mindblowing yellow dal

I wash my own clothes

I think too much

I've slapped a guy once, hard

I’m vegetarian but I don’t like veggies

I love dogs

I believe in God

I’m single

I have a matrimony id

I love beer

I’ve never smoked

I don't polish my shoes

I don't wear shirts but i look wow when i do

my last credit card bill was for Rs. 46000

I don’t save

I swear in hindi and smile

my favourite TV show is South Park

I had a compound skull fracture on my Enfield

I ride it still

I believe in Sachin Tendulkar

I’m a Nirvana fan

I often repeat myself

they call me ram cobain

I call me ram cobain

Thursday, July 26, 2007

the biker

I have a Royal Enfield Thunderbird but this note isn’t about either of us

it’s about a guy in my office complex who rides an Enticer to work everyday

his Enticer is fitted with extra wheels on the side, like a child’s cycle

no, he’s not a wimp

he’s probably the bravest man I’ve seen

you see, the thing is that this guy doesn’t walk

he crawls

his legs are twisted and bent under him, like a tortoise coil made out of skin and sinew

like the sweet god of creation changed his mind halfway

only halfway

so everyday, he inches forward like a gravel swimmer, slowly, painfully

and proudly

I feel like rooting for him, clapping like a wound-up toy monkey

but to do so would be to acknowledge what he’s fiercely forgetting every minute of his life

so I stay quiet, avert my gaze till I hear the roar of the motorcycle

only then do I turn to see him riding away

I don’t even know his name

but I know that I’m 5 feet 8 inches tall and he that towers over me.

ram cobain

Sunday, July 22, 2007

career choices

if I were not a writer, I’d be reading someone else’s blog.


ram cobain

Wednesday, July 18, 2007


people without a passion, any passion

who don’t like music

don’t have heroes, fallen or standing tall

don’t read books, don’t re-read books

who don’t know who Stephen King is

who ask what Sachin Tendulkar has done

who’ve never ridden a bike (pillion included)

people who’ve never bunked school

who’ve never had a favourite teacher

people who’ve never written a love letter, bought flowers

people who’ve never felt like a fool (angrily or grudgingly)

who don’t cry at movies, laugh at jokes, feel scared in a dark room

people who lick ass and cover their own

who don’t stand straight when the national anthem plays

people who don’t stand straight, period

who iron their jeans

who think goodness is weakness

people who don’t like traveling

people whose beds have never been unmade

people who buy quietly at swanky stores and bargain loudly with the poor

people who don’t find their mother tongue cool

people who don’t find their mother cool

people who don’t think dad is a rock star (unless he isn't)

who say one thing and mean another (unless they’re women, joking!)

who’d love to see you go down

people who don’t reach out for their wallets quickly enough

who split the bill according to their share

who don’t love themselves (unless justified)

don’t have a best friend (or five!)

who’ve never gifted more than they’ve got

people who’ve never smiled on a Monday morning, never sobbed on a Sunday afternoon

who don’t have a sense of right and wrong

people who remember insults more than compliments

people who think poetry is intellectual and not that they’re imbecilic

who think the Swastika is a symbol of pride and not shame

who think all Muslims are terrorists (and vice versa)

people who haven’t been in love with the wrong person

people who haven’t lost in love with the right person

people who cheat in love

people who haven’t blown soap bubbles

people who haven’t eaten street food

people who’ve never tried cooking

people who see the glass as half empty (even when it is spilling over)

who’ve never broken a bone or a heart

who’ve never petted a stray dog

people who aren’t proud of their roots

people who don’t like chocolate

people who haven’t asked for extra cheese

people who’ve never mismatched clothes

people who’ve never given to lesser-privileged people

people who have grown up early

people who have never burped in public

people who’ve never waited for a phone to ring

who’ve never written, deleted and re-written the same sms

who’ve never agonized over a ‘sending message’ alert

people who’ve never driven faster than the speed limit

who’ve never confused the fork and knife hand

who’ve never been thrilled during a plane takeoff

who’ve never felt depressed in a hotel room

who’ve never offered a sweaty salesman a cold glass of water

people who’ve never said thank you

people who’ve never said sorry

people who are insecure (especially if they are brilliant)

who act with their brain and not their gut

who’ve never clapped when they’ve been bested

people who’ve never been drunk (teetotalers forgiven)

people who don’t go to birthdays

people who don’t go to funerals (notwithstanding their own)

people who don’t believe in god (unless they’re atheists)

who don’t mind hurting others knowingly

all such people...

i'm happy to not know you.

ram cobain

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Unidentified Funny Object

jokes are proof that aliens exist.

after all, none of us has met a single human being who can claim he’s thought of a rib-tickler and pass a polygraph while saying so.


ram cobain

Wednesday, July 4, 2007

a for...

are there degrees of assholism?

is there a type 1 asshole, a b-asshole and the alpha asshole?

are there benign and malignant assholes?

incurable and wannabe assholes?

first-time and certified assholes?

genetic and acquired assholes?

is assholism an instinct?

is it contagious?

will it spread by touch?

by association?

is there an Assholics Anonymous and how do you get someone admitted there?

does it make you an asshole if you treat an asshole like an asshole?

can you spot an asshole by just looking at one?

do assholes have assholes?

how do you gently break the news to someone that he’s an asshole?

are there asshole doctors in the yellow pages?

can you get arrested for being an asshole?

should there be capital punishment for assholes?

can assholes plead for clemency?

how does an asshole prove his innocence?

can you sue for false arrest?

are there countries that have legalized euthanasia for assholes?

should assholes be allowed to run for government, be bosses or hold positions of authority?

is there a self-examination test to check if you’re an asshole?

have you taken one recently?

peace, love, empathy
ram cobain

(assuredly not an asshole)